The "Don't Shop at Best Buy" Cocktail

 

As you read in yesterday’s blog post, another Saturday vanished into the void of Best Buy’s mythical delivery window. I decided the only reasonable response was to invent a signature drink. Something that starts with bright, fruity hope – the kind you feel when the tracking says “on time” – and finishes with a bracing slap of reality, courtesy of bitters.

 Ladies and gentlemen, unlike Best Buy, I keep my promises, and give you The “Don’t Shop at Best Buy” Cocktail. It looks gorgeous, it tastes optimistic for about three seconds, and then the bitters remind you why your refrigerator is still dented and your weekend is gone. Consider this my public service announcement in liquid form.

The “Don't Shop at Best Buy” Cocktail 

Makes one GENEROUS serving (because you’re going to need it)

1½ oz. vodka (for the clear, innocent hope you had when you placed the order)

1 oz. pineapple juice (bright, tropical promise of smooth sailing)

¾ oz. fresh orange juice (sunny optimism)

½ oz. grenadine (that vivid red pop of false confidence)

½ oz. fresh lime juice (a little necessary sharpness)

3–4 dashes Angostura bitters (the bitter truth that arrives too late)

½ oz. blue curaçao (because why not make it unnecessarily pretty and chaotic?)

Club soda to top

Garnish: orange slice, maraschino cherry, and a tiny twist of lemon peel (looking fabulous while everything falls apart)

 Fill a highball glass with ice.

Pour in the vodka, pineapple juice, orange juice, lime juice, and grenadine. Stir gently.

 Add the blue curaçao—it will create a beautiful turquoise-to-red ombre effect that screams “this is going to be great!”

 Top with a splash of club soda for a little fizz of lingering delusion.

 Now the important part: add 3–4 solid dashes of Angostura bitters right on top. Do not stir them in. Let them sit there like the bad news that shows up at 4:37 PM when the window is closing.

Garnish extravagantly with the orange slice speared with a cherry, and drop the lemon twist on top like a tiny sarcastic bow.

 Serve with the instruction: “First it looks perfect. Then you taste the bitters.”

 Sip it while you wait for your next phantom delivery. Or just sip it because you already know better.

Tasting notes:

The initial sip is sweet, fruity, summery, and full of promise—like the tracking update that says “on time.” Then the bitters hit, dry and aromatic, reminding you that hope is a cruel mistress and your refrigerator is still dented.

Sip slowly. Reflect on your choices. Maybe order takeout instead of appliances next time.

Cheers to horrible warnings.

Please share, Pin, Tweet, etc.

* * * * BREAKING * * * *
Never let it be said that people aren’t reading our blogs. Another refrigerator is scheduled to be delivered this Friday. I’ll keep you posted. 

 

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