Cranky Old Lady Barbecue Sauce

 

This past weekend, in honor of Robert Burns’s birthday on January 25th, I found myself thinking of him often. He’s the one who said, “The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft a-gley.” And oh, how true those words feel the older I get. I’ve realized, in my dotage, that I’ve become a bit cranky, especially when things don’t go my way. I like things just so. Yes, it’s true, old folks like me are set in our ways. But I digress.

 The weekend started with grand plans. I had everything mapped out for Sunday dinner: barbecued pork steaks, coleslaw, and a baked potato. The night before, I even took the pre-seasoned pork steaks out of the freezer to thaw, feeling quite smug about my preparedness. Everything was going to be a breeze.

 Until it wasn’t.

 When I went to pour barbecue sauce over the pork steaks for their final half hour in the oven, I discovered that I didn’t have any barbecue sauce. Not a drop. Panic set in. Surely, I could whip up some homemade sauce, right? Wrong. A quick check revealed I didn’t have enough ketchup to make the standard “ketchup + brown sugar + magic” sauce. What I did have, however, was a pinch of stubbornness, a splash of creativity, and just enough coffee left in the pot to get me through.

 If necessity is the mother of invention (and I know I’m getting a bit quote-happy here), then I was about to channel her. I cobbled together ingredients in what I hoped was a logical order, tossed in a little espresso powder (because who doesn’t want caffeine in their barbecue sauce?) and crossed my fingers.

 To my delight (and maybe even a little shock), the sauce turned out wonderfully. Sweet, tangy, smoky, with just the right amount of zing, it was everything I didn’t know I needed in a barbecue sauce. I’m calling it Cranky Old Lady Barbecue Sauce because it was born from one of my old person moments of frustration and stubbornness.

Here’s the recipe for your own last-minute barbecue adventures:

 Cranky Old Lady Barbecue Sauce

 ¾ c. ketchup

2/3 c. dark brown sugar

¼ c. cider vinegar

¼ c. brewed coffee (or water, if you must)

1 T. dry mustard

½ t. Worcestershire sauce

1 t. paprika

1 t. kosher salt

1 t. espresso powder

1/8 t. freshly ground black pepper

2-3 drops of your favorite hot sauce

 Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Whisk everything together until smooth, and bring to a gentle simmer. Let it bubble away for a few minutes to meld the flavors.

 Use as you see fit -- on pork, chicken, or anything that needs a little extra love.

 So there you have it, proof positive that even when the best-laid plans go awry, something better can emerge. Next time you’re in a pinch, channel your inner cranky old lady, improvise, and you might just surprise yourself. And if Robert Burns taught us anything, it’s to embrace the chaos of life, and always keep some espresso powder in the pantry.

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