My Epic Fail: Alfred Hitchcock's Quiche Lorraine from a 1981 Celebrity Cookbook

  

People always ask where I get ideas for the recipes on my blog. Some are my own inventions, some are carefully tested winners, and others… well, let’s just say they’re spectacular disasters that never see the light of day.

Until now.

I recently decided to dive into one of my vintage cookbook treasures: Celebrity Cookbook by Johna Blinn (1981). Naturally, I went straight for Alfred Hitchcock’s Quiche Lorraine. The Master of Suspense sharing his personal recipe? How could I resist? Spoiler: it was downright scary—and not in the fun, thrilling way.

I followed the recipe almost exactly (the only change was using one onion instead of two—trust me, two would have been impossible). But even with that adjustment, this quiche was a complete catastrophe. 

Here’s what went wrong:

- The filling calls for sautéing onions, then layering them into the crust. Even after draining, they released so much moisture during baking that the bottom crust turned into sad, soggy mush.

- The custard method—beating eggs with seasoning, adding hot milk, then cooking on the stovetop until thickened before pouring into the shell—was a total disaster. It turned lumpy and never set properly in the oven.

- The final result? One cautious bite confirmed it was inedible. The rest went straight down the drain.

This was my first quiche that required pre-sautéing vegetables and making a stovetop custard, and I’m convinced neither step belongs in a proper Quiche Lorraine. Classic versions are simpler and far more reliable. I suggest trying this recipe, it is the most delicious quiche that I think I’ve ever tasted, it’s also one of the simplest to prepare.

If you’re feeling brave (or just love kitchen horror stories), here’s the recipe exactly as printed. Proceed at your own risk. 

Alfred Hitchcock’s Quiche Lorraine

For the Pastry:

2 c. pastry flour

½ c. cold butter, cut into small pieces

1 egg yolk

1 pinch salt

¼ c. cup cold water

For the Filling:

2 or 3 slices cooked ham, diced

2 onions, sliced

4 large eggs

1 pinch cayenne pepper

Light grating of nutmeg

2 c. hot milk

Work butter into flour until mixture resembles coarse sand. Add egg yolk, salt, and enough cold water to form a firm dough. Wrap ad chill 1 hour.

Roll out half the dough to line a 10-inch pie pan. Prick base with fork, crimp edges. (Reserve remaining dough for another use.)  

Scatter diced ham over crust. Sauté onions in butter until soft but not browned; spread over ham.

 Beat eggs with salt, cayenne, and nutmeg. Gradually whisk in hot milk. Cook mixture over low heat, stirring constantly, until it thickens. Pour into prepared crust.

Bake at 375°F for about 30 minutes, until custard is set and top is golden. Serve hot.

I’m now officially hesitant to try any other recipes from this particular celebrity collection. Lesson learned: even legends can have off days in the kitchen.

Have you ever tried a celebrity recipe that bombed spectacularly? Share your kitchen disasters in the comments—I could use the solidarity!

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